please tilt your skull to the left for an optimal viewing experience

hello mortal

It appears you have found my website. Well done. Are you hurting yet? While your neck is slowly telling you to leave this site, let me tell you something about why you are here.

You were looking for jorrizza, jrrzz or just plain Joris, weren't you? Yes you were, you sneeky little bastard. This site is here to teach people like you a lesson. Just don't.

If you can endure a little more neck pain I challenge you to continue. I might reward you with my contact details. If you're lucky.

death fuckin' metal

about joris

Joris is a bastard and probably doesn't like you. He writes code for a living and manages a herd of deadly computer machine things with humming noises and blinky-blinky lights.

contacting joris

You can contact Joris by sending him an email. There's a chance he will hurt you if you send him malformed email. His PGP key fingerprint is FF0C 8741 7FDB D527 2A39 E1AD 17A2 9F2F 36B6 DA6F.

  • The smallprint:
  • Goat photo 1: CC-BY-2.0 kkurugi on flickr
  • Goat photo 2: CC-BY-2.0 Elescir on flickr