JRRZZ Blog

Chances are I’m going to die soon. So I thought it might be a good idea to put a will together, just in case. For those of you who don’t know yet, I’ve got the misfortune to be part of the twenty seven club. Two separate fortune tellers have said so. Not that I believe them for one bit, but the math is just scary. After exactly ten thousand days of life I’ll be twenty seven. That day, the twenty seventh of January 2015, my heart should stop beating. The weird thing is, I’m not the only one. People like Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison and Kurt Cobain have all died after approximately ten thousand days of life. The weirdest thing of all – I had never heard of the twenty seven club until recently. Just imagine how scary that must have been.

Not that I’m making this into some self fulfilling prophecy. I hereby solemnly swear that if I live on January the twenty eighth, I’ll throw the most über party possible. Including booze, drugs, zeks, schnapps and music. The whole shebang. Yes, you are invited.

But, if I die, there are some things that I’d like to happen:

• The entire Lateralus album by Tool shall be played instead of a religious service. It’s simply more powerful than what any religion can offer.
• Festivities. Crying people must be crying out of laughter.
• No Christian symbolism! All Christian imagery shall be burned. Every theistic notion shall be countered with the burning wrath of Lucifer.
• After the useful bits have been stripped out, my corpse shall be burned publicly on a big pyre.
• No monument shall be erected, not even a tombstone. If people can’t remember me without, I don’t deserve to be remembered.
• All my possessions shall be auctioned. My resulting net worth will entirely be donated to Software in the Public Interest. That’s fair, because those guys have been a huge help in gaining all of that money.

So, I’ll see you all at the party then. Or in Hell, if those pesky Christians were right.