JRRZZ Blog

Time again for my new monthly dump.

I’m busy right now and don’t have to tell you that much really. Sorry guys.

It’s time for another monthly dump. Hooray.

I’ve been doing nothing at all and a lot of things at once both at the same time one month long. Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? httpWM got released, my webshop scripts are finally doing their job at work and I’m really close to buying my new Debian godbox. But most of the time I’ve been doing absolutely nothing at all. It has been very, very easy going at school. On top of this I had a lot of spare time because some teachers kept calling in sick or some idiotic bastards had to celebrate the carnaval.

I didn’t want to spend my spare time in some small noisy booze cafe filled with these idiotic carnaval people. Usually I go somewhere else. This year I went to Germany to have some fun in the snow with friends. Indoor. Oh well, it’s cheap. We had found this nice indoor piste just over the Dutch border. We could eat and drink all we could eat and drink. That means a lot. While my mates chose to go out skiing I picked a snowboard to fool around with. I have got some experience with a skateboard (well before the Jackass days) so I guessed it would be a nice start. I never touched a ski or snowboard before so this was just plain stupid to go down that piste without any lessons. The people who know me know I don’t care about pain or anything like that. That’s maybe because I never break anything, hehe. So off I went, climbing uphill towards a spot where I could get a feeling for this thing. Damn, it was huge compared to my maplewood boards. It got a bit scary after I managed to secure my snowboots in the triple secured locks. I couldn’t just jump off, I was one with the board. After a while I managed to stand upright. Not for long. Soon after I stood on both my legs I automatically wanted to put my rear foor next to the board to give it some speed. I fell down. Oh crap, my feet are still stuck on the board. This might be just a little harder than I thought. After some more failed tries I got on my feet again. Now I wanted to go down that slope. It actually worked, I just had to use the position I’m in when a skateboard is rolling off a hill and I was fine. As I went down I noticed I picked up some speed. Down I went, faster and faster sliding towards an innocent crowd. I had to brake, but how? I had to plant my face in the snow to stop me from hurting people besides myself. But that felt good, again! Now I figured out I was able to accelerate by leaning backwards, lifting the front end of the board a bit and I could cruise at the same speed or even brake a little by leaning forward. I don’t know if it’s meant that way but it worked for me. The only way to brake fast was to drop myself to the ground for now. I never tried to steer with that thing, because my friends convinced me to start skiing. What could go wrong? So I had to switch gear. It was quite hard to explain to the blonde girl behind the counter I wanted to swap. I could have seen that one coming. My German sucks, I can only give out orders in German, and she was blonde. I finally managed to swap my gear after paying 5 euros to the another employee so I could swap that coin she gave me against some skis and plastic mech-like boots. Damn, those boots were bad. You can’t walk in them, it actually hurts to walk wearing them. You can’t stand upright anymore. One of my friends and his dad were pro at skiing. They would learn me the basics. If snowboarding went that well, skiing can’t be that hard, right? Wrong. I’m gonna kill the bastard who invented skiing. No, torture him first in a Hostel ™ and then kill him with a chainsaw. No! First I’m going to learn him to skate- and snowboarding, then torture him and then kill him with a chainsaw. I’m getting seriously off topic. Continue. First of all, you have to put yourself in a position like you are taking a dump against a tree with your trousers half way up your knees. You have to use these weapons, spears if you wish, to keep you from falling face down in the snow. Lethal things made out of super light composite material and a really sharp end. Perfect for making “Homii Kebabus”, several dead people on a stick. Excuse me for my Latin, it has been a while. Anyway, I was learning how to ski. The easiest thing would be standing still. You had to twist one of you knees in a way you normally never would to make one ski bury itself in the snow. Okay, I wasn’t moving and already aching. Now I had to move forward. To move forward one must do the unlogical thing of bending forward and moving all one’s weight to the front. I’ll compare this to other things I’ve done. If I try this on a motorcycle going 200 I’ll die. If I try this on a snowboard I’ll fall and if I do this an a skateboard it will hurt, I can tell. Hmm, I managed to go forward, but how do I stop? My friend’s dad told me I had to put the fronts of the skis close to eachother. So my position while braking felt like both my kneecaps were shot off and this was my only way of walking. Wooh, I slowly grinded to a halt. This wasn’t going to save the innocent group of people I met earlier, but that wasn’t one of my conceirns right now. My friends deceided that it was time for me to learn how to steer, brake turns, whatever. Now this is weird. I had to stay in this crap-against-tree/kneecapless position and only move one of my legs sideways. There is no way I can use all my strength to push me sideways in that position. Besides, I automatically leaned towards the corner like I do on a motorcycle or a skateboard. So what happened? Both my automatic functions that I was used to doing kicked in. I got upright to force one leg off in the right position and I leaned towards the corner. This resulted in catastrophical situations. Some of the positions I was in after falling reminded me of Yoga class. Did I mention the boots sucked? Somehow they didn’t support my feet well enough and I developed somekind of pain in my left foot. I wasn’t able to continue by lessons. To be honest, I’m seriously in doubt what’s worse, skiing or being unable to ski. I wished I had never stopped fooling around with that friendly mister snowboard. After a while sitting on a bench I deceided to go to the apres ski. I hate apres ski, but this apres ski had free beer. I promised I would try the German beer and I kept my promise. The beer made me sick. Homesick. I wanted to go back home, to Bavaria beer. And the way those people treated the beer, it was horrible! They filled the glasses half way and let the beer die. Afterwards they fill it up. I know they do this to preserve the foam on top, but it also points to the bad quality of the beer. Another thing wanted me to go home. It was the beer or just my imagination, but he girl behind the bar in the corner of my eye looked just like my English teacher back in high school. I had a lot of “fun” with her, but I never want to meet her in public. Especially in an apres ski bar. Luckaly it wasn’t her. I catched up with my mates and we went home. What a day. It was fun though, really.

Another thing I’m really getting annoyed about is the whole anti terrorism thing. Yesterday I received a leaflet printed by the Dutch government about how much they are trying to protect us against the terrorists. I don’t believe in god, so whay should I believe in terrorists? I won’t deny 9/11, Madrid and London but I think the governments make good use of this new situation. New laws have been created to aid in the war against terrorism. These laws also make it easier for governments to just arrest some guy they don’t like, interrogate (read: torture) and punish him without a fair trial, if any. The US bastards are ahead with this. They totally don’t care about the Geneva convention and just bacause they are the “superpower” they can do what ever they want with sometimes completely innocent foreigners. And if your’e not with them you are against them. That sounds the same as bin Laden’s cry for power. Now the US have mangled law some European countries, including the Netherlands, think they have the right to do the same. The first steps to total government control have been taken. We have to be able to identify ourselves at all times. All our internet traffic is being logged. Telecommunication is being tapped without approval. I can continue a while with this. Just bacause CNN reports it’s not safe anymore to walk across the street bacause anyone could be a terrorist the people blindly accept every stupid law thrown at them with an “anti terrorist” label stuck on it. We’re not blind you see. Some of us see what’s going on. This is not just another conspiracy theory. Not at all. This is the only reality. The theory I’ve got about the war against terrorism is the following: 9/11 happens. The world was shocked. I still don’t believe a muslim terrorist organisation is responsible for the attack on the pentagon. Even the attack on the twin towers is still a big mystery when you look at the proof. Shortly after the US pointed to bin Laden as the guy responsible. Bin laden liked the fame and agreed, the fame would make him very powerful. He sent out a video message he was responsible for the 9/11 attacks. The actual reason for the Bush administration to go to Afghanistan was to take down bin Laden’s organisation. The US sponsored the same arganisation a while ago with weapons to fight to communists. Now the soviet Union has crumbled the people started to use the weapons for criminal activities. Afghanistan became one of the biggest opium producing countries. The Americans didn’t like this so they wanted a good reason to attack. 9/11 was the chance they were waiting for. The muslim world, especially the radical muslims, saw this attack as a straight attack to all muslims. They declared a global Jihad against the Americans and their allies. After the US forces were done with Afghanistan they left the place in rubble for their allies to clean up. And including we, the Dutch, willingly clean up the mess they have made. This anti terrorism thing was making Bush very popular in his country. He needed another big one, bigger than Afghanistan, to win the next elections. His father started a war in Iraq but wasn’t allowed to go back and finish them all. He was going to finish the job. Besides, he could use the oil. The international community didn’t approve Bush his plan to attack Iraq. He didn’t care and attacked Iraq anyway. The muslim world got really pissed about all this. Now the Americans attack an Arabic nation right in front of their doorstep. Again, we, the Dutch joined Bush in his crimes against humanity. Officially Bush is a war criminal for attacking Iraq and ignoring international conventions. But hey, it’s the super power, they can do what ever they want. The war in Iraq made it a new place for a bloody civil war. There’s a shift in balance of power and the people who once had the power want to keep it and the people who should get more power want to get it. The Americans haven’t filled up the power vacuum properly. Thanks Bush, the second nation in rubble. Bush has (indirectly) killed more people in his reign over the world than Hitler in Nazi Germany. Bush triggered a chain reaction of events possibly leading to global agression. A reaction we cannot stop anymore. Thanks Bush, for WW3.

And thanks Holland for collaborating with the enemy of the free world!

Another month, another post.
I’ve got some stuff to write about this time. First, a lot happened at work. Second, this site will be updated to a state-of-the-art window manager the world has never seen before. Third, I’d like to tell you how I think about the current situation of the “Islam vs. Denmark” thingy.
Well, at work, some of my colleagues quit. Three of them. At the same time. One of them said she would leave and we all knew she would, no big deal. The other two though, one of them a really good friend of mine, left without me even knowing they wanted to go. I didn’t like seeing them go, but it’s for the best and we learned to live and above all work with it. My friend left with a fight, too. It’s pretty hard to see your friend in a fight with your boss. Oh well, it’s done and we don’t like talking about that anymore. I have some good news too. My webshop is up and running. Now let’s hope it gets the sales we hope it will. My webshop can handle it, it’s the best stuff out there. Duh, I’ve made it so that’s logical. When I’ve got some spare time I’ll strip it and publish it as the OSCommerce killer people were waiting for. I won’t promise anything because I’ve got millions of other things I’m working at.
One of these things is the replacement of my current site. As you can see this site works like a window manager, you’ve got a menu, a taskbar and windows. But the windows aren’t moveable at all and it’s not a real desktop simulation. I’ve learned a lot about JavaScript, DHTML and the Mozilla DOM so I think I’m ready to realize the thing I’ve always wanted. “httpWM”. A fully featured desktop operating system, fast, reliable and just like a real desktop. I’ve learned the art of AJAX and I have found a really neat script on BrainJar.com that can draw windows just like real ones. Now I’m combining techniques to recreate a windowmaker-style desktop in your browser. I’m going to build just one theme at start, but I think I should be able to make it themeable as well. Right now I’m writing applications for it. The chat program is done and the browser is coming along quite nicely. I’m going to make a simple text editor like a WiKi and port all my site content over to the new layout. It’s going to be near and almost entirely rendered and parsed client-sided using DHTML, JavaScript and the DOM. The only interaction with the server will be done in XML through AJAX. It’s gonna be neat. It’s still under heavy development but I think I can pull this one off. If you are interested you can check port 8080 and if my laptop is running you should be able to check the ajax.jrrzz.net directory for my latest progress. Since Microsoft didn’t provide me with a version of their operating system I can’t check if it will work in IE. I’ve tested IE7 on my fully legal XP installation and apart from the bad positioning code it seemed quite an improvement. But my laptop is the only machine booting XP and at the same time the machine I’m creating httpWM on, so that’s bad luck for Redmond. One thing will be hard to get used to though, content in terminal windows scrolls down in stead of up. That’s one thing I just can’t fix for you. I hate using iframes for things like that. Application development is really easy. You can create a plain text file. The first line is the title and the rest of it the window content. Only the initial div has to be parsed in the index before the ‘boot’. All the CSS and JavaScript has to be in-tag or else it won’t be parsed/ran. Just a minor drawback. When it’s finished I’ll release it all under the GPL as requested by BrainJar and others. You still have to mail me if you want to have it. I’m not allowed to keep it back so feel free to sue me if you don’t get the source code.
Finally I just have to tell you guys how much I hate those radical muslim jihad people. I hate any theistic belief but now these people have made me very angry. I like my right to express myself freely. I use my right to express myself freely every day. Some people in this world do not have the respect to tolerate other ideas or views. I hate their beliefs, but I respect theists as human beings with their own opinion. I won’t go out on the streets and kill people just because some Danish guy made some really funny pictures where he made their prophet into a terrorist. Well, Mohammed is a terrorist corrupting the minds of millions of people. So is Jesus, so that’s all settled. The thing that upsets me right now is the fact that all these muslim people all over the world start burning the Danish flag and threatening all western people. Now who’s worse? An artist making a few pictures about how he thought about the islam or millions of people actually yelling that they want to kill me and millions more? Come on! Bunch of blind senile old men! Don’t you understand you are the worst problem in this world? Next to the capitalistic west you are suppressing people and killing people at random, too! Does killing your enemy bring victory to your people? Does that satisfy them? Do you know what’s that called? Bloodlust! Your Islam has become a group of people only hungry for western blood forgetting all the good things from your religion! You are the worst kind. If there was a hell you would burn. And if there was a hell there’s no hell for you to burn in. No hell’s hot enough! I’ve always said theism is the biggest problem mankind has to overcome. It seems just a little incident is enough to trigger a worldwide uprising of yelling muslims on a path of death and destruction. What kind of nonsense is this? No respect for other people’s opinions and totally no idea why those people say what they say. The muslim world has been overshadowed by ignorance and violence. Signs of stupidity. By following your imam you sentence your own death penalty. You sell your soul to the devil as the christians would say. Do you know who I hate even more? The radical jews! Those ultra right jewish scumbags just build their houses on Palestinian soil like they own the place. It’s quite funny how they prey to their non-existent god while the bulldozer is crashing down on them. No, I’m not a racist or a right bastard. I just want everybody to be able to be themselves, the person who they truly are. No muslim wants to blow himself up in between a bunch of pathetic jews. No jew wants to have trouble with the Palestinians. But some people in their mids say they should act stupid because it is written in the holy book. Those people are little hitlers moving their people to extinction in stead of the salvation they teach. I can’t understand how half of all the people, maybe more, can be so damn stupid. They just don’t see. Oh well, I’ll just keep being myself and I’ll probably get slaughtered by some muslim extremist for writing this. Way to go allah, way to go!

First of all, happy new year! I really don’t care but everybody kept saying it so I just copied it to fit in and have some more beer.
I don’t know if anyone has noticed, but the western media actually started to report about the problems in China. I can’t believe how long the western world has tolerated and ignored the problem. For all these years China was the big country filled with people making all our stuff. It all has ‘Made in China’ printed on it. We never got a single news item about the people of Taiwan, Tibet or Hong Kong. All of them politically and socially very active regions. The last thing I could remember was the President’s birthday with all the red parades and things like that. The people of China do not have the freedom we do. We can say what ever we want to. We can write what we want to. We can read and think what we want to. Only our actions are less free by law. This is how the free state works, we are a free democracy and should be proud on what we have. 1,3 billion people in China can’t. One of my favorite ways to express myself, with text on the internet, is filtered and checked by the government. Chinese people can’t express what they think about their situation. Censorship. The Chinese governement says it’s to protect the people from bad influences. Why would the truth be a bad influence? Why shouldn’t the Chinese people know what’s going on? The government knows that if the people of China get the chance they will overthrow the Stalinists, and no, I won’t even call them communists, and build a new democracy on top of the Stalinist ruins. They fear their own people and the people fear the government in return. But in reality the real power is with the people. They have the power to overthrow the current Chinese government. They don’t. They can’t inform themselves with information needed to sustain such an uprising. Censorship again. It’s a balance fixed on top of a huge bomb set to go off at the slightest unbalance. When it goes, it goes with a bang. A tsunami of freedom will spread over the globe as one of the final undemocratic pillars fall. North Korea will be next, the last communist countries in eastern Europe and the Baltic region won’t survive either.
But what keeps this balance from falling? We do. The western countries keep investing into China because of it’s cheap labour and resources. It’s all about the money. We make money out of them. That’s why we don’t dare to say the truth. Even our democratic messiah, George Walker Bush, had trouble talking to the Chinese about freedom and human rights. China is a bigger threat to mankind than your Bin Laden. 9/11 was nothing compared to what the Chinese did! The Chinese killed millions and silenced 1,3 billion opinions. Isn’t this a bigger threat to your democratic free world? Cowards! All of you megalomaniac enterprise driven economic vampires! You don’t know what you just did by signing this multi-billion deal with the Chinese government. You helped the Stalinist reign live on another day! Yes, it’s a lot of money. Forget the money for once and think about what you actually accomplish.
The worst company of them all is Microsoft. It’s an evil company from Redmond we all know from the operating system actually named after a series of (security)holes in a (fire)wall. The Chinese government needs IT solutions to filter the information highway so that no ‘bad’ information can come in or get out of the country. Who do you think provides them? Right, our friends from Redmond, USA. They didn’t go out in the open about it, but several resources tell Microsoft is helping the Chinese government with censorship. Today some proof came in. The Chinese like to blog. The Microsoft Network (MSN) provides space for the Chinese to write their blogs. Today an entire Chinese blog was deleted after a request from the Chinese government. The blog would contain ‘bad’ information for the Chinese people. The poor blogger was just expressing his discontent about the Chinese state. Now Microsoft went too far. They collaborated with the enemy. Think again before purchasing a Microsoft product. You are supporting large scale censorship in China.
If I would have written this in China I would be arrested and sent to one of China’s inhumane jails to ‘think it over’.

Aw, it seems to be a monthly something, writing by blog. I didn’t plan it this way. It just happens. Hehe, shit happens.
Well, I’ve been to the screening of Pure Pwnage episode 9 in Rijswijk, the Netherlands. It shouldn’t be such a big deal, you know. I live in the same fcking small country so I figured I would be able to get there pretty quick. So I planned the trip together with a friend of mine. Well, it didn’t look that difficult. We had to take the train from Helmond to Rotterdam and hop over to the train to den Haag. Like stealing candy from a baby. After work, at 5pm, we left on our bicycles heading towards Helmond central. We were exactly on time. We parked our bikes out on front of the guarded bicycle thingy because it wouldn’t be open when we got back at 1am the next day. Up until Rijswijk everything went exactly like planned. There we were. Rijswijk. Never been there in my life. The first dude we saw was a guy who thought he was fcking neo or something walking like a real nigga with his arms wide out looking at young girl’s asses. Honestly, he was a loser of the first row. We ignored him. We got a map from Skrie, the guy who organized it all. We had to go south towards the industrial region. The first thing we kind of forgot was writing down Skie’s phone number. We just had to guess what direction south was. We guessed wrong. Duh, thanks Murphy! While we were walking though this residential area we decided it couldn’t be there. We were heading north. Going back south again we finally met our destination. It was pretty funny. You would normally expect a college to be pretty large with several tall buildings. This was just one medium sized building with a small one just outside of it. We had to be at the small one. The ‘soos’. After we got our tickets we went back to go the the pizza shop to grab a bit to eat before the movie started. It was a pretty empty shop. Three people with undutch roots were at work. Well, I couldn’t call it work. They were talking a bit. That was good, they obviously had some time for us. Wrong. They just kept on talking to each other totally ignoring us. After 5 minutes or so we left. I still question my self why I didn’t do anything about it. It was late though. We were back just on time to watch the show. Pure Pwnage 9 was a blast. It really pwned. Especially the first part with Doug. I didn’t like the dragon ball z kind of micro-balls they were throwing around. It was so not-PurePwnage. In the break we had a conversation with the dude behind the bar. Student life was so much different from ours back in Eindhoven. They didn’t even know what real beer was. Well, after telling the guy I couldn’t drink Heineken he offered a Wieckse Witte. That really saved me. Thanks! While drinking my beer I looked around. All the people were drinking a coke. They were even drinking coke from 1L pint glasses. I mean, I could really see the difference between us southerners and those people from the west of the country. Fcking soesjeseters. Anyway, we had to leave at once after the show. We had a train to catch. We didn’t drink the Red but there he was again. Murphy’s law. We missed it. We knew it was bad to miss that train. We didn’t remember why though. We found out in Rotterdam. There was no train going back to Helmond. No train back to Eindhoven. Not a single train going south. We were fcked. Royally. We had to wait six and a half hours in Rotterdam. Rotterdam isn’t my favorite city. Not by far. Ray Mears extreme survival lesson one: find a water and food resource. Luckily the super market wasn’t closed yet so we bought our food and drinks for the night. We walked a bit and found a bench where we could sit down and eat our freshly bought meals. Shortly after this homeless guy joined us for our meal. This brainless monkey was another alcohol addict. Some stupid monkeys can’t stand the stuff and get addicted. We finally thought up a better plan. Let’s get the first train south. We found one leaving for Utrecht. We bought some tickets and hopped on our train. We stopped in Delft. But wait a minute. Delft is up north! We got off our train and took the first train back to Rotterdam. We could ride back for free after explaining our problem to the personnel. Crap, back in the stinking pit filled with homeless monkeys and bad tempered feyenoord hooligans. We had to go south. It began to freeze outside. We got back to look if there wasn’t any train going back to Utrecht. After looking at the small print we noticed the train we were on did go to Utrecht. But because it was a night train it had to go to Schiphol airport first. Crap. We got on the same train we were on earlier and went to Utrecht. We were really happy this trip to Utrecht took about two and an half hours because the train was the only warm spot we could go to. In Utrecht we were really stuck. There wasn’t any train going down south. We survived at least for four hours at Utrecht centraal. It was cold. Really cold. In the middle of the station’s square there was this fake wooden Bavaria pub. It had these heaters hanging outside of it and they forgot to turn them off. That was our single lucky thing the entire trip. They kept us warm next to the occasional exercise of walking around in Utrecht’s mall. Finally we were able to go back to Eindhoven. We knew that there wouldn’t be any train in between of ‘s Hertogenbosch and Eindhoven. We had to take the bus. The friendly lady at the other end of the speaker in the train told us there would be busses waiting for use to go to Eindhoven. We got out, no busses. Nothing. We had to wait for another fcking thirty minutes at minus two degrees for the bus. I almost fell asleep in that bus. Back in Eindhoven we easily grabbed the train back to Helmond. Back in Helmond we were happy our bicycles were still there. But the chain was loose. Huh? Breaking the chain but letting the bikes alone? It was police work. On one of the bikes was a piece of paper saying we shouldn’t park our bicycles there. Where should we have put it? I mean, there was no place to put them at that time. We went home. A trip that normally would have taken us about two hours took us almost nine hours. I won’t forget the freezing cold though. I can’t say I feel sorry for the homeless monkey that bothered us. But surviving on the Dutch streets sure takes some skill. I even used my micro to keep myself warm. Like Doug once said: My hand are shaking, my hands are shaking, my heart’s beating, my heart’s beating but I’m still shooting! I’m still getting the headshots! Boom headshot! Yeah! Well, I kinda fell that way. Thanks Doug, for keeping us warm.

Hey, it’s been a while since I wrote in my blog. I think you deserve it to get another episode of the me.

The reason for my time off is the birth of a new religion. You might question the honesty of what I tell you now, because it’s not that usual someone with my age and background develops a new religion. How can I know? How do I posess the wisdom to be able to develop a new religion? How can the view of a teenager be general enough to make it even remotely possible? I don’t know. I just see my knowledge fit to create a new foundation for people who seek the same thing I do. Freedom and truth. I have been a thinker for all my life. It’s amazing to just have a sniff of all the knowledge you can find in just observing an learning in every day life. When you open your mind, free of any emotional en scientific blockades you can see the whole picture in your surroundings. You can let your knowledge of the human kind explode in size by just observation. I have done just that all of my life. I don’t know why I am so interested in the inner workings of the creature that calls itself human. Now it’s time to write down my conclusion of this so-called research.
I have been reading a lot of LaVey’s work lately. He helped me fight free of the christian lie. He showed me truth and true evil. Now I’m getting back at his work just to try to take the real meaning of it all. I think I understand what he was trying to tell us. I do not share his opinion. He basically told us the church, whether christanity, hindu or islam, binds us and keeps us from being human. I have to agree. The church restricted a lot of the things that made life enjoyable. The ten commandments, just to take it as an example, are all restrictions that make life less enjoyable. Plus, it’s against logic. LaVey described it as being non-human. LaVey wanted us to follow our carnal needs. He made the human being equal to an animal. One of the basic rules of satanism is that the human is just another animal, maybe the lowest kind of animal, too. I have to disagree with him. We do have alot in common with animals, we both have instinct and carnal needs. We both are eager to feed and reproduce. The large difference between the two is that man can draw a border between his actions and his emotions. Animals act according a straight link between their emotions and instinct and their actions. We do not have that link. We can evaluate the action our emotions and instinct want us to do and take proper action using a filter made out of ethics and common sense. Why should I kill in white fury? LaVey approved to kill a human being when you truly hate that person. You don’t rape a person when you are truly attracted to that person? Our carnal needs say we have to, but common sense holds us from doing that and makes our actions more humane. Now it’s transformed in a less violent way of action, communication. The human being can communicate on a high level. That’s the second major difference with animals.
That’s why my new religion will be based upon several sources. At first, satanism. LaVey might be wrong about the position of the human being, but he does have a lot of points I just couldn’t deny. Second, it will be based upon my knowledge of human nature. I think I know what makes people do what they do. Third, there will be the factor of logic. None of my points will be un logical. I have studied most of the major modern and ancient religions and I have discovered a pattern. This pattern actually makes them all the same. There is no devine force. Not within, not in the sky, nowhere. Logic kicks in.
I will write a set of texts where you, as wandering thinker, may find a solid foundation to build your own world upon. I will explain how people have been thinking in the wrong direction and i will point you to the right direction. I will not make a imaginary box with a label on it you just have to fit in. This religion will be a wave of freedom. My hope goes out to you. I hope you will, one day, stand above the crowd and shout: “I’m free! I am me!” while watching down onto the faithful mass clamping onto their holy symbols and entities praying their holy texts watching upwards to their gods. You will be a full human being, loose from the religious chains of the right hand path. You will be self-made.

Hi there. It’s been a while. I’ve been doing homework and other stuff I don’t really want to remember. Time went by. A lot of it. Time doesn’t have wings they say. Hmm, life seems to become a drag. It shouldn’t. I mean, I’m pretty young and I should go out to see the world, have fun, have a laugh and meet new people. The weird thing is during the drag through time I don’t really feel like doing all those things. It’s almost some kind of compulsive laziness. I don’t know. It’s haunting me for several weeks now. Actually, now I think about it, a lot longer. I don’t really have anything to tell people when I meet them. I can’t really socialize. I do have a lot inside of me. Thoughts, feelings, emotions and theories. Things I wouldn’t even tell my best friends, my parents, relatives or anyone I know. But still, there’s this feeling that it should go out. I have to tell someone. But who would understand? Who would understand the things that are going on inside? I’m not your average bloke. I’m me, and I come with a lot of problems. I haven’t met anyone capable of understanding the real me. All my friends and relatives just know the outer shell. The shell I’ve hardened for the past 18 years. It’s bulletproof. No light shines in, no light comes out. It’s really hard to write this down. While I’m writing this I’m actually exploring my building blocks. To see what I’m made of. I’m missing blocks. I don’t know if I just forgot to take them with me on my journey or that they are there but insignificantly small.

Some time ago, a week or so. It was late. 7pm, 8pm I don’t remember. I was waiting for my bus home. It finally arrived. I took a seat. A few seconds later a girl took a seat in front of me. If you know how I look at night that in fact was a miracle on it self. There was room enough on the bus. Why would she take that seat? Oh well, I didn’t mind. I just started to do what I usually do when I’m on the bus home. Staring at the scenery. But after a minute or so I noticed a smile or two on her face. What? A nice girl in front of me smiling at me? That’s not normal. It did happen before, but not that often. The thing that worries me though is the fact my reaction is equal to nothing or even less. I could almost see me there, sitting in my seat looking out of the blurry window totally not noticing her. But I did, I did notice her. But I became so cold. Something was missing. Nothing happened. A gaping hole. I should give her a smile in return, or just eye contact, I don’t know. I know the rules, but somehow the trigger for actually using them wasn’t there. There was just this gaping hole. The most important building blocks, the essence of human life, were missing or insignificantly small. No light shines in, no light comes out.

Ahh, how nice. I got home today and discovered I had received a letter from the queen. What? The queen? Well, it turned out all the 18 year old Dutchies, including me, have received this letter. All of us are allowed to vote next time, and they want us to actually go there and use our vote. We even got this book with it filled with Dutch propaganda about all the good stuff going on here and how the kingdom of the Netherlands actually looks like. I mean, it looked like a motivation for a holiday here. Well, I’ll tell you, don’t come over! It sucks being Dutch. I’m not proud of my country. Not anymore. After what the Hague’s Balkenende has made of our little ol’ country I totally lost my trust in the national authority. Sure, I’m going to vote. No problem. I’m going to vote for the socialist party. I want get rid of the thieves that run our nation today. The queen is one of them. She just earns millions of euros while others just barely can feed their kids or grandma. I mean, with all the new regulations the poor get poorer and the rich get richer. It just isn’t fair. I think we should just get rid of the queen and become a free democratic country with a chosen president. Just like in Germany. They kicked out their royal assholes a long time ago. We should do the same. Just look at the poor bastards. The queen is ugly ass hell. She speaks in a language most of us only know from our tax forms. She dresses in a way we normally would laugh at, but hey, it’s the queen. Ok, she might be gone in a fifteen odd years. Who takes over? Right! Our beloved prince Willem. Prince Willem with is fat puffy face. Prins Willem with his gay navy suit. Prins Willem with his ugly blonde import whore. Prins Willem with his little fat daughters. Dude, this guy is so dumb he was told by his freshly wed wife he was “a little bit dumb”. Hello, if even your wife declares you “a little bit dumb” at a press conference and she’s blonde, it’s not just bad. It’s really bad. It can’t be worse. He did graduate though. I don’t know if he actually did anything to get it, next to looking stupid off course. He’s a water technical engineer now. Whow, I wouldn’t even allow him to build a dyke in the Sahara. I’m afraid all the camels will drown when he does.
What kind of image will there be left of out beloved country? Harry Potter as prime minister and a dumb navy sailor who likes to play with water as king with a blonde import whore at his side.
Do you know what the sick thing is? I’m not even allowed to write all of this. There’s a law in our country saying I shouldn’t call the crown princess a whore. Well, this is how I think about it. I know “the government” actually reads this stuff, so I will get into trouble. So? Come on! I’ve seen the server logs. Why? Because they are afraid! They know people like me can change the national way of doing things. It’s a hazard for national security in their eyes. How do you mean, a free country? They make laws to make it impossible to say what you want about what you want. That’s wrong. It’s in our constitution for your mother’s sake! I am allowed to say what I want. It’s fundamentally wrong to say “you are free to do so except when you….”. That’s no freedom!

Oh, Jan Peter, if you happen to read this: The people from our royal family are angels compared to you.

It sure has been a while since my last entry. You know, school and personal things get annoying sometimes. Oh well, I’m able to write right now. So shut up and read on.
I’m a bit sick. So what’s the news? It’s getting worse. Since I’m using public transport to Eindhoven and back every day these illusions are haunting my mind. It starts when I get inside the bus. I take a seat, put my music back on and start enjoying the scenery. No problem. But after a minute or two I see dead people everywhere. I can’t actually see them, but i’m seeing imaginary massacres. I don’t know why I like to see torn limbs and shattered heads, but it seems to be so real. Every day. You would expect me getting scared as hell. In the contrary. I’m feeling quite comfortable in company of the dead. If that would be only thing I could cope with it. Next to actually seeing dead people I start to fantasize how the person in front of me would look like on a stick decomposing for three weeks. I think it might scare people in the way I look at them. I really don’t know. Some of you would call me insane or just nuts. I don’t think so. Now I see, now I know the mortality of mankind. I know as no other how it must feel like to die. I’ve seen and felt it so many times now. I’m not scared anymore. I do not fear death anymore. It does have it’s disadvantages though. I found myself walking through a red traffic light while the traffic was driving by. I didn’t get hit. Somehow I knew. This is what scares me. How can I know in advance if I will get hit or not? Or is it just a mental defect I should ignore? Is it instinct? All these facts plus one made me think something’s wrong. The last fact was a little household accident. I cut my finger. It didn’t hurt. I sucked the blood away from the wound and actually liked the taste of my own blood. Now i’m wondering if somebody else’s blood would taste the same.
Now I’m reading this it really sounds crazy and mad up, but it’s the truth I tell you. I can’t help it.

I won’t write about what happened at the Intro Week at school. I can summarize it for you. Beer, rain and no sleep. That’s about it. It was fun though, really. As far as I know we only have had one wounded and two sick freshmen. No casualties this time.

I’ve got some other news. I’m going to say good bye to my servers komprak and htr. The new setup will be like this: A new server (danoontje) will take over all the services from htr and komprak. The heavy stuff will be done at satanist.nl and il.fontys.nl. I think I’m going to drop satanist.nl and use il.fontys.nl a lot more. This server is located at kenniswijk, fontys Eindhoven. The server is maintained by a bunch of BSD fanatics, so this thing won’t go down without a good reason. Plus, I can get a drink or some ice cream really cheap in the server room where I can maintain my webspace trough a wifi connection and a Debian box. When I get this setup fixed I’ll move the 1337-alizer to il.fontys.nl. The new server here will be a VIA Epia MII1200 with 512 Megs of ram and a 1.2 GHz VIA C3 processor. There will be 40 or 80 gigs of hd space available, it depends which of my spare drives will work. The OS will be Debian GNU/Linux testing (duh). Why a mini-ITX? Well, I’ve seen the energy bill for the current setup. I think that’s a good reason. My hardware will be sent over here within a few days, so the network and a few services will remain running, but one by one they will be transferred to danoontje. Expect some downtime on SILC, Ventrilo and VNC.